Fostering Love

A lot of people have been asking why we decided to do foster care. Some people thought that we could not have children and that this was our “last” option. Eddie and I haven’t even tried to have a baby, so it’s not that. In fact, it’s something we’ve talked about for years. We made this decision while we were engaged to be married. However timing is everything. We didn’t want to become parents our first few years of marriage, and then we moved, had change of jobs, and Eddie became a full time student. Last year we decided it was time. We felt like we were at a good place in our marriage and that we had a lot to offer.  Sure we were busy but we were always going to be busy, so we stopped using it as an excuse and moved forward.

On May 2nd Eddie and I received a phone call asking if we would take a 16 year old girl. We said yes and she came to live with us that same day. We had no idea what to expect. We had never done anything like this before. We knew our lives would be changed we just didn’t know how.

We are glad to report that we’ve been blessed with a delightful young lady. Prior to her arrival we had been praying that God would place someone in our home that would absorb all that we had to offer. We wanted to be more than a boarding house, or a hired baby sitter. We wanted to make a huge impact, but we knew we could only do so much. What if we gave 100% and our foster kid gave 0%? Sure we would still love them because it’s the right thing to do, and we made a commitment, but it would be discouraging. We were prepared for the worst, but confidant that God had everything in control.

He sure did! Our daughter is amazing. She’s not perfect but neither are we. When we give 100% she gives 100% back. She’s really trying to make an effort. She helps with the house chores, tries not to get defensive when we correct her, does her schoolwork, is working out, volunteers at the Y and is filling out job applications. In fact she had her first interview with Subway this week. We are so proud of her. She’s growing in leaps and bounds and here’s the good news, she has gratitude! Can you believe that? A lot of teens feel entitled but not our girl.

So why am I telling you this, and what does this have to do with marriage? The answer is everything. If you want a happy marriage live selflessly by serving others. Having our foster daughter has made us closer as a couple. Some people discouraged us, but had they known it was going to be a double, no triple blessing to our marriage they might have encouraged us to do it a long time ago. So here are seven reasons why bringing our foster child has enhanced our marriage.

1. Spiritually – I had been struggling with my devotional life for over a year. I would spend time with God but I was not consistent. The moment our daughter came to live with us I stepped up my game. In other words, I quite playing games. I thought, “How can I fully show her Jesus if I’m not plugged into Him?” Now I consistently start my mornings off with prayer and Bible study because I know I can’t do this whole parent thing without guidance from above.

The frequency of our family worship has improved as well. We used to have family worship once or twice a month but now we try to have it every day or several times a week. We were not sure how the whole Jesus and religion thing would go. When she came to our house we were honest with her. We said, “Jesus is a huge part of our lives but we will never force Him on you because that’s not who He is or how He acts.” She told us she was okay with having family worship and going to church. Of course we were thrilled. It’s great to sit around and talk about the Bible or read a cool story. I also look forward to holding hands in a circle and praying together. Every Saturday night we go around the circle and talk about the things we are grateful for.

2. Quality Time – Eddie and I are spending more quality time together. Before we were getting into the habit of coming home after a long day and watching TV. Now we try to eat around the table more often, go on family walks, or play a game.

3. Time Management – We are way more efficient. My time is not my own anymore, now I have to plan out my weeks. I don’t waste anytime. Even though I have less time to myself I’m getting more done. I remember one Sunday I thought to myself, “Wow, I didn’t watch television once last week.”

4. Health – I’ve always considered myself a healthy person. However, now that I have a little helper in the kitchen I’m more aware of what I buy or make. I don’t buy junk food because I don’t want her to be tempted. We used to eat a lot of cereal for breakfast because it was fast, but now I make breakfast everyday because I’d rather she eat oatmeal, high fiber smoothie, or gluten free grain pancakes than a bowl of carbs and milk.

The second day our daughter was in our house she said, “What’s organic?” She noticed I had a lot of organic foods. She also didn’t know what lentils, tofu, flax seed, chia seed, artichoke, cilantro, kale, edamame, quinoa and a lot that other healthy stuff I had lying around the kitchen. Nevertheless she was willing to try it and she loved it, well most of it.

5. Sex – We have more sex!!!! Noting is more attractive when you see your spouse being kind hearted and loving. When I see Eddie tutoring our daughter, teaching her how to drive, working out with her, or just loving her I get turned on. Need I say more?

6. Chores – Eddie and I don’t fight about the dishes anymore!!! Our foster daughter doesn’t mind doing dishes. That’s her job now (besides keeping her room clean). Eddie and I take care of the rest of the chores, and she does the dishes. Pretty sweet!

7. Arguments – We don’t argue as much. Now that we have a third person living in the house we try to be on our best behavior. And when we do argue we try to show her what a healthy argument or fight looks like.

Yes we are tired and a lot busier but the benefits outweight the cost. So here’s my marriage advice. Find a ministry that you and your spouse are passionate about and jump wholeheartedly into it. You will be blessed and you’ll grow closer together. Who knows you might even become foster parents.

For Christ and His Kids,


Okay guys and gals, I’ve been reading some things over the past couple of years that emphasize the importance of physical looks (of a woman) in a relationship.  Read this post and let me know what you think.  Do you agree, or disagree?  If so, I would love to know why.

Wives, I believe the topic of your physical appearance is one that most married men want to address, but dare not to, because they don’t want to seem insensitive or shallow.  But here is the truth, “It’s important to your husband that you look good.” Maybe you have heard this before, or read it in a book, but it’s true.  Your husband wants to be proud of the way you look.

Let me make something CLEAR from the beginning.  When I say “look good,” I’m not I’m not referring to weight.  It would be unrealistic to ask woman to stay the same size they were, when they were in college.  All women are designed differently and have different genetic structure.  So when I use the term “looking good”, I’m referring to women making an “effort to take care of themselves.”

So why is it so important to your husband that you look good?  I believe there are two main reasons.  Reason #1.) Men gain a sense of accomplishment and success mainly through how well they do in their  job and how their family appears to the public eye, #2.) Men are sexually stimulated by sight.

Let’s look at reason #1. If a man can find a gratifying job, support his family financially, and has a wife who supports him, this man will feel accomplished.  A man’s wife plays a huge role in how other men view him.  Let me share with you a story I heard from a marriage seminar that was offered at my church.  The seminar was called, Mad About Marriage, and it was presented by Mike & Gayle Tucker. (

During the seminar Mike shared a story about a guy named Phillip who had just been employed by a company. Phillip had only been at the company a few months but he had already gained the admiration and respect of his colleagues.  When the company Christmas party rolled around, the employee’s were encouraged to bring their families.  At the party a couple of Phillip’s colleagues, Jim and Nathan, were sitting in the corner and having a conversation.  Nathan stops midway in sentence, looks at Phillip walking into the party with his wife Amanda, and then says to Jim, “Man, I thought Phillip was smarter than that.”  Jim looks up at Phillip’s wife, Amanda, and to his surprised see’s a lady sloppily dressed with unruly hair.  Her entire appearance resembled that of a wrecked vehicle.  Within a matter of seconds, Phillip’s imaged changed because of his wife.

After reading this story you might think that Nathan and Jim are superficial pigs, however, their words echo the thoughts of many men.  All men want to be proud of their wives.  They want other men to look at their wife and think, “He did well for himself.”

Consider this thought, “Women need to realize that their doubling in size is like a man going from being a corporate raider to a minimum-wage slacker- and assuming it has no effect on his spouse.” (as quoted in, For Women Only, by Shaunti Feldhahn).

Let’s look at reason #2.  Women need to understand that their husbands are visual beings, and they are stimulated sexually by sight (I think most women already know that).  That’s why we see more men addicted to pornography than women.  Sure, women are attracted to good-looking men, but they are not visually aroused on the same level that men are when it comes to sex.  I like the illustration given by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs in his book, Love & Respect.  “Think of when you get out of the shower versus when he gets out of the shower.  When you step out of the shower, he is all eyes, oblivious to everything else.  But what happens when he steps out of the shower?  You probably say something like, ‘Please stand on the bath mat!’ or ‘Be careful! I just washed the floor!’”

Weather it’s on the job, at the store, or at a sporting event, beautiful women will always surround our husbands.  When he sees a beautiful woman with a voluptuous figure, he’s stimulated.  So what happens when he comes home to his wife and he see’s a woman who doesn’t care about the way she looks anymore?  Don’t you think it’s hard for him to “only have eyes for you?”  You might argue and say, “Yeah, but my husband should love me no matter what.”  True, he should, however, you’re not showing love towards your husband by abandoning your looks.  Furthermore, it’s not fair that we ask our husbands to only have eyes for us, but we are not willing to maintain ourselves the way we did when we were dating.

Does this mean that you always have to have your make-up and hair done for your husband when he comes home?  Of course not!!!  It is difficult finding time to always look our best, especially for moms.  And I think it’s safe to say that most women don’t want to be trophy wives.  What it means is, your husband sees that you are making an effort to look your best for him.  It shows your husband that you still care about his feelings and desires.

Here is the good news.  Your husband thinks you are beautiful.  If he were not physically attracted to you he would not have married you, that’s a fact.  Therefore your husbands not going to divorce you if you gain a few pounds, get wrinkles, and your hair turns gray.  That’s all apart of getting older, and none of us can escape it.  However, as wives let’s make our husband’s proud by taking care of our bodies.  There will always be younger and prettier girls out there, but your husband will never be interested in them, if he knows you are putting forth an effort to look good for him.  Furthermore, when your husband thinks you are the most beautiful woman in the world, it will make you feel like a million bucks.  Eddie is always fondling over me, and his constant love and affection makes me feel like I can accomplish anything.  Because he is constantly telling me that I look good, and that he loves my body, I never worry that he has eyes for anybody else.  In reality, taking care of yourself is really a win-win situation.

Keep Flavoring,


P.S.  Husbands don’t think your off the hook.  You need to take care of your bodies too.

“Show me the Money, Honey”

“The lack of money is the root of all evils”

-Mark Twain-

Granted, we need money to survive in this society. Everything requires money. To use the Internet you need money, to watch TV; money, to eat, cook, do dishes and even shower, money, money, money. Money makes the world go round, as someone said it. But should money (or the lack of it) make your marriage go round?

We’ve heard the sad stories and even read the statistics that allude financial problems as one of the many causes for divorce (if you agree or not, that’s your thing) but the facts remain. The poor administration of money can disrupt the harmony in a marriage.

I’ll be honest with you by saying that Jaela and I, as many other couples, started out without a solid understanding to how quickly money can ran out. If you are a college student, you probably have a few loans that help you evade the financial pains, for now. You might be lucky enough to have your parents pay for your cellphone bill and car insurance, you might even have a good enough job that allows you to buy fancy things, go on expensive dates, and even to have a subscription at “The Gym” (and you make sure you have your member’s card dangling on your keychain so people know you have one–side note: use the membership once in awhile). Well, that’s kind of how we were…clueless to what was to come. And after almost two years of have had planned a wedding, enjoyed the honeymoon, and having Mr. Visa pay for it all, we are still indebted to him, and let me tell you Mr. Visa is merciless.

We don’t want that for you, we never wanted it for ourselves. So what are some things that we’re trying to implement in our marriage so that money won’t make our marriage go ground? (get it, play on word, round, ground?)

:: Act your wage
:: Determinate
:: Interrogate
:: Donate

Act your wage. Before I was married, I was living the dream, and before you misunderstand me let me finish the sentence…I was living the dream financially. Single guy, nice job, bills taken care of by loans and parents and so what I did with my money was up to me. But little did I know that I was NOT acting my wage. Once I became independent, financially, I was hit with the reality that toys cost money, and a lot of it-if you want to up keep them. Plus a wife and the different debts that I’d piled up, it was time to act my wage. I don’t make much, I make about (cough, cough!) and so I couldn’t have continue living a single guy’s life style. What that meant for me was, no more eBay, no more buying parts for my BMW, no more instruments, etc. It could mean different thing for everyone. The point is, live within your means.

Determinate. Jaela is the one that takes care of the finances at home (due to my impulsive nature and the easy access to eBay). And so having the ability to trust her with our finances frees me to focus on other things. Don’t get me wrong, it is a collective effort in determining who keeps the check book up to date but secondly, where will the funds go. Prioritizing, determining, and a wise allocation of funds will keep you out of trouble. This could mean that you’ll have to start up a budget sheet (just google for one, there’s tons of excel templates online). It’ll mean that you’ll have to cut back on your recreation expenses, Mall shopping sprees, eating out, magazine subscriptions, you name it. Work with what’s best for you. Bottom line, determinate and work together.

Interrogate. I’ve discovered that sometimes budget sheets can change, and suddenly you find yourself with more money, or sometimes, less money than what you previously though you would end up with. So to avoid surprises, review the checkbook together half way through the next pay period. Sometimes you may find an unplanned Mall escapade or a costly computer part, and when you do, interrogate. Do call each other out on it, but do it as lovingly as you can and start again. It takes time and adjustment to live on a budget.

Donate. As Christians, we believe that all that we have comes from God. That God has blessed us not only with money but also with time, friends, health, family, a marriage, and so the least we could do is give it all back in gratitude. So donate. For us it mean a couple of hours volunteering at the Community Center, or having a student stay are our house till the end of the school year because his parents moved out of the district (that just happened a few weeks ago) or devoting your time to listen to someone’s story, or giving tithes and offerings to our church. Whatever it is, the point is to cultivate a spirit of generosity. The more you give, the more you’ll realize how much you have.

And though some may say that the “The lack of money is the root of all evils” I’d say that the bad administration of money is the root of evils. Besides, didn’t someone say that the “Love of money is a root of all kinds of evils?” Life is more than money. Keep it balanced, keep it under check, and you’ll be fine.

Keep flavoring!



When I got married I was a virgin. There were some of my co-workers who knew I was a virgin. They couldn’t understand why I wanted to wait and take the risk of having a “bad” sex partner. I don’t fault them for having this viewpoint; it’s just a difference of morals. This kind of thinking, in my opinion is foolish. Even though I never had sex with Eddie while we were dating, I knew that sex was going to be great. How did I know this? Because, sex will be good if the rest of the relationship is good. Sex is supposed to be the icing on the cake when all other aspects of the relationship are working well.

Most couples that are dating and having sex are dissatisfied with their sex life. Instead of taking the time to get to know each other they jumped right into sex, thinking that it would lead to intimacy. When sex is rushed, intimacy suffers. When sex happens the talking stops, and when sex takes over the couple stops focusing on the other aspect of their relationship. Sex will short-circuit the other important parts of the relationship.

Sex becomes a good gift gone bad because it bonds two people who haven’t committed themselves to be faithful to each other like one does in a marriage. Many people are having marital problems because they engaged in premarital sex. They go into the marriage with lack of respect and lack of trust, two absolute necessities for a healthy marriage. If a couple spends most of their time focusing on the physical aspects instead of focusing on each others weaknesses, character development, and personal relationship with God they don’t have the foundation they need for marriage.

Dating is meant to prepare a couple for marriage. It’s the time to lay everything out in the open and get to know the person you are considering marrying. Know as much about each other as possible, challenge each other, learn to communicate, and fight fare. Don’t become blinded by lust and miss out on the preparation stage for marriage.

Eddie and I have a great sex life because when I’m with him I feel loved, valued and respected. Sex for us is an unselfish act. We both want to please each other; as a result we both are deeply satisfied. Because the other aspects of our relationship are working well intimacy naturally happens. If I could go back and do it all over again I would. It was REALLY HARD waiting…. but it was worth the wait!!!

Keep flavoring!


PS: feel free to share about your sex frustrations or adventures!


This might sound bad, but after a long day of working,  the last things I want to do is talk.  When I get home from work there are still things that have to be done around the house and supper has to be made.   By the time I sit down to eat, I just want to turn my brain off.  Eddie is the same way, when he gets home from the office he just wants to sit on the couch, open his computer and do mindless things.  I don’t think these “mindless” things are bad but they can get in the way of communication.

Sometimes when Eddie asks me, “How was your day?”  I respond, “Ah…baby not now.”

Sometimes I will ask Eddie about his day and he will respond by saying, “Fine.”

As you can see there’s not much communication on days we’re exhausted.

It doesn’t really concern me too much when we have these days every now-and-then.  But some weeks are worse than others and on those weeks we both have to be intentional to keep the conversation flowing.  Sometimes a week will pass and at the end of the week I’ll realize that our conversations were short and shallow.  I hate when we have week like this because I don’t want to be one of those couples that never talk.  Some husbands and wives spend their entire marriage in utter silence.

That’s why it’s so important that Eddie and I are intentional about communication.  I’m sure most silent marriages never began that way.  It was probably a process of baby steps, and maybe one of those steps was daily fatigue and lack of energy to share each other’s thoughts.

I love the fact that I have somebody who will actually listen to me and loves doing it!  I don’t know why I would ever want to throw such a precious gift away.  Maybe somebody reading this blog can relate.  If you and your spouse are making a habit of not sharing your lives with each other, you’re really missing out.  Maybe you should try courting all over again.  Go back to the days when you were dating and you couldn’t wait to share every detail with this person.  Share anything and everything about your day, even those details which seam stupid or unimportant.  This advice might seem silly but remember it’s the little things in life that keep us grounded.

Keep Flavoring,



So it’s been awhile, but we’re back into writing and I promise to be more disciplined about it.

The topic of happiness has popped into my mind, and I can’t help but to ask the question to you guys: How happy is your marriage? If very happy, how do you measure it?

To often I hear people say to Jaela and I, “you guys have a great marriage, you look so happy”. What does that mean, happy? Are they equating happiness to a great marriage?

Ok, too many questions…here is what I want you to take away from this entry. In your marriage, you will have good experiences  and bad ones,  just as in any other relationship in life, but don’t let bad and sour moments set the tone or determine how your day will go.

I would be lying if I said that Jaela and I have never fought or gotten in an argument (aahh..they fight?) yes, yes, we do fight, but man, I love our fights, and I’ll tell you why. Jaela has the cutest defect that works to our advantage when we fight…she can’t keep a straight face, when she’s mad she laughs (at least 95% of our fights she laughs). That makes it easier on the reconciliation process. BUT, there’s always that 5% of serious and heated arguments between us. It’s in those moments that sometimes I feel like “Hey, where did the happiness go?, Do we not have a great marriage any longer?”  Well, we never did have a great marriage…we have an excellent marriage😉 and it takes that type of attitude that gets me re-focused. So it is then that I try to make amends and keep the peace, and to be honest with you most of those arguments/fights are my fault :p

The Bible says “In your anger do not sin”–it’s ok to be angry–take time to be angry and walk away from the situation and cool down (I have to do that sometimes) but the writer continues “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (Eph. 4:26).

So couples, if you want to keep a “forever happy” marriage, a marriage that is excellent, take the time to re-focus, even when dishes and pans are flying over your head (thankfully our fights are never that heated) and be humble enough to reconcile…in your anger do not sin.

Keep flavoring!



Anybody would be a fool if they thought they were perfect.  All of us, not matter how amazing or talented we are, could always use room for improvement.  Sometimes it’s hard to see our faults (at least it’s true for me) and we need others to help us.  If you have the privilege of being married, your spouse can, and should help you become a better person.

For the individual that enters the marriage only thinking about what their spouse can do for them, and not what they can do for their spouse, that person is in for a big surprise.  Selfishness goes against all the laws of love.  Adam, the first man was given a wife named Eve.  Before God created Eve He looked at Adam and said,  “It is not good for man to be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him”(Genesis 2:18,20).

The beast of the fields, the birds of the sky, and the fish of the sea were not comparable to Adam.  They were animals and nothing more.  God knew Adam needed somebody who was like him so he created another human being.  After God had created man and woman the Bible tells us that He blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdued it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”  (Genesis 1:28).  When God described the relationship between a man and a woman He used the word “helper” but when He described the relationship between men and animals He used the word “rule/dominion.”

I don’t believe any marriage is healthy when one person (husband or wife) rules over the other.  If one spouse is constantly barking demands and controlling every situation that’s not a partnership, that’s a dictatorship.  Instead the couple should work together as a team, both helping and lifting each other up.  There are several ways in which your spouse can be a “helper”, and one of those ways involves character development.

I’ve never met a couple that was exactly alike.  They might have several things in common but there’s always something that makes them different. Eddie and I are practically night and day!  The most important things we have in common; God, morals, values, and life goals.  However when it comes to our character traits we are pretty much opposite.   I’ve made a list of some of our character traits so you can get an idea of what I’m talking about.  This list defines us mostly but it does not mean we are always this way.

Jaela (mostly)


Eddie (mostly)

Serious (attitude)




Sense of Humor



Fun (attitude)

Driven by logic Driven by emotions
Unorganized OCD
Sets up boundaries

Handles too many task

Comes off as standoffish

Instantly liked by others



Prideful / Stubborn


I have known Eddie over five years and when I look back at the person I was when we first became friends and who I am now, I realized I’ve matured and changed for the better.  Why, because being with Eddie makes me want to be a better person?  We complement each other or as some might say, “we balance each other out.”  I’m everything Eddie is not and he’s everything I’m not.  I can’t imagine marrying somebody who was exactly like me: a duplicate of Jaela (ugh…scary).  Sure, my duplicate and I may never have a conflict but then I wouldn’t have a spouse who saw things from a different perspective.  Sadly I might remain the same.

So how has Eddie been my “helper?”  He helps me loosen up and not be so uptight.  When I see how transparent he is towards others, it inspires me to do the same.  It’s not that I’m unfriendly but it’s very hard for me to show public display of emotions or affection.  I REALLY have to reach outside my “shell” to be vulnerable, but being with him has created more awareness.  Eddie has also been my “helper” by deflating my pride.  If we are having an argument he doesn’t have to have the last word and he doesn’t have to be right.  As a result, I have learned to listen more and not be so quick to defend myself.  His humility has made me less prideful.

Although I love Eddie’s goofy and fun personality there are times when it’s too much.  That’s where I come in.  When it’s time to buckle down and get serious I’m there to remind him.  I help him stay focused and on task.  When he lets his emotions get the best of him with work, life, friends and family I help him see with a clearer understanding.  And when he is about to make a rash or impulsive decision I help him slow down.

Sometimes these “opposites” are what drive our marriage crazy.  He hates that I’m messy and I hate that he’s impulsive and etc.  But instead of letting the opposite things about Eddie drive me crazy, I embrace them and try to help him (not demand or nag) out, and he does the same for me.

So if you are a little bit different from your spouse or if you are completely different from your spouse then be thankful!  If your spouse gets on your nerves because he or she is nothing like you then try to look at it from a different perspective (one that creates variety in the home).  Try to be reasonable and get along.  Remember, nobody’s perfect, NOT EVEN YOU!  Therefore stop being defensive and thinking there is no room for change.  If your spouse is a normal and decent person then usually their request are realistic and decent.

Once again, keep flavoring!  We love our readers….whoever you are🙂



I have a few things to confess.  Lately I haven’t been as considerate, as loving, as romantic and as patient with my wife as I should’ve been.  All of the above have been taking a toll in our marriage.  My actions (or lack of) have made Jaela upset.

Every marriage has its ups and downs, and I believe the “downs” happen because one of the partners is more selfish than usual.  In this season, I’m the selfish one.

Now, I’m not saying we’re having really hard times, that I’m a terrible husband and that we’ve been fighting all day, nothing like that is taking place.  What is taking place is me spending too much time with that stupid computer. I may be watching a show, or working on a project or playing a video game, and that is causing me to slack in the house choirs.  No one likes a messy house, especially me, but it’s my own fault. Mess causes me to get aggravated and I’ve caught my self being short with Jaela because of it.  But above the mess, the one-eye-monster is robbing me from spending time with my wife, from romancing her like I should.

Now to all this self-introspection I’m giving it two reasons.  The first one I think is stress.  Lately we’ve been having car problems with the “reliable” car.  That makes me stressful because fixing this vehicle won’t be cheap, and money is always short. We’ve also have had to shuffle our schedules around so that we both can be at our respective jobs (sometimes I make her late to things, and she makes me late to things, so bad feeling build up).

Second, maybe I’m just lazy.  I’ve been getting into bad habits of procrastination since college, and I’ve been finding out that it’s hard to break it.  But even though I end up doing the task I had to do, I realize that the wasted time could’ve been spent with my wife.  I didn’t come to that conclusion myself; it was Jaela who told me that, with a heavy tone of voice.

So what’s next?  There might be things in your life that are affecting your marriage, chances are, most of those things you have the power to correct.  I have the power to change my behavior and do what’s right.  I first have to admit my faults and apologize to my wife, that takes humility (I’m not trying to say anything good about myself) and there will be consequences, I know that, but this will help me grow and I know that I’ll come out a better husband after all this. Second, I have to carve out a plan to do what I should, and do it gladly.

I know I’m not perfect, Jaela knows I’m not perfect, but I don’t want to stay this way, its not fair for me, for her, nor for our marriage.   I have a loving and patient wife, and I’m so thankful for her, but that shouldn’t give me the reason to test her patience.

If you are finding that your marriage is on a “down” season right now, take a look at where you’re spending the most time in. If it’s not your wife than you’re wasting time…just like me.

Keep flavoring,

Eddie (one sorry husband).

Avoiding Affairs: “We’re just Friends”

Does this movie portray all men to be pigs’…maybe, but it does bring out a good point: “Men and women can’t be friends without having some sort of attraction.”

When I was in college one of my best friends was a guy named Brad.  We were alike in so many ways and always had tons of fun together.  When I started dating Eddie my friendship with Brad changed.  I didn’t spend as much time with Brad and I didn’t console in him anymore.  Sure, he was still my friend but out of respect for Eddie, and our relationship, I created boundaries.

Healthy boundaries have to be set up in marriage when it comes to having friends of the opposite sex who are not your spouse.  In my humble opinion I do not think it wise for a husband and a wife to foster friendships of the opposite sex.  I know what some of you are thinking, “Oh that’s ridiculous!  We are just friends and nothing more.”  Sure, you might “just be friends” right now, but there comes a time in every relationship when one (if not two) of you start having feelings for the other.

Marriage is sacred and must be guarded at every cost.  Many things will try to break up your marriage rather it be, time, money, lack of communication, a wondering eye, or a secret thought left to fester.  If couples are not cautious these things can destroy their marriage.

When it comes to friendships of the opposite sex we both are extremely cautious.  I’m not friends with any man who isn’t friends with my husband.  If I develop a friendship with one of my male colleagues at work I make sure he knows that I’m married, and if we were ever to hang out Eddie would be present.  It’s wise that your friends should know your spouse; and your spouse your friends.  “If you have friends you are inclined to keep from your spouse, immediately ask yourself why.  Know your truer motives ( Walter Wangerin, Jr.).”

Why are these little precautions necessary?  Because NO AFFAIR ever happens by accident!  Adultery is never sudden, spontaneous or accidental. It’s always proceeded by “baby steps.”  Nobody is helpless against an affair so long as they see the warning signs and make a quick exit before things progress.

Walter Wangerin, Jr. says it best in his book, As for Me and My House.  “When a desire is born in us, we have a choice.  When it exists still in infancy, we have a choice.  We can carefully refuse its existence altogether, since it needs our complicity to exist…or we can attend to it, think about it, fantasize it into greater existence-feed it!  We can feed our sexual thoughts with pictures, books, videos, and a wandering eye at work.  But if we do the latter, if we give it attention in our souls, soon we will be giving it our souls.”

Sure, I trust Eddie with all my heart, but trust isn’t the issue, it’s boundaries.  Furthermore, even though I trust Eddie, it doesn’t mean I trust the other person.  I’m a jealous wife, and I want my husband all to myself.  Jealousy can be a good thing if used in the right way.  God himself declares that He is a “jealous God.”  He wants us all to himself.  He doesn’t want to share us with the Devil because “no man can serve two masters.”  My jealousy for Eddie is one of deep love and protection.  It’s not a jealousy that is paranoid, controlling, or manipulative.  That kind of jealousy destroys a marriage.  On the contrary, my jealousy edifies and upholds our marriage.

So if you are struggling with the issue of having close relationships with the opposite sex outside of your marriage, ask yourself if you are willing to take the risk.  Remember, it’s not about you, it’s about your spouse.   Marriage isn’t about serving self; it’s about serving each other.  The moment you stop giving of yourself to your spouse, the drama unfolds, the stage is set,  and the curtains are drawn.

Keep Flavoring,


Leave and Cleave!

I LOVE my in-laws.  In fact they are an answer to prayer.  They are the “functional” family I never had.  Not that my family is bad or that I would want to trade them, but on my side of the family divorce is very common.  It’s so refreshing to be apart of a family that gets along and loves each other.  However, no matter how much I love my in-laws I love my family (Eddie is my new family now) more.  What do I mean?  Well there is a reason why the Bible says, “Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother, and will cleave to his wife: and they will become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)

Eddie has a great relationship with both of his parents.  When we were dating, I was impressed with the amount of loving respect he gave his mother.  He would talk with her, confide in her and tease her often.  Yes, they were close and still are but Eddie knew (and still knows) his boundaries.  One of the things that I respected most about Eddie when we were dating was his ability to separate his relationship with his family and his dating relationship.  If we were having problems he did not run off and tell Mommy and Daddy and neither would I with my parents.  He would confide in his parents about the good things and careful with sharing the negative.

Now some of you might be thinking that this was deceptive or that Eddie was telling a lie.  He did not lie; instead, he chose to withhold information that could have harmed our relationship as a couple.  You see all parents want the best for their children, so when their child starts to date the parents can be extra hard on their son’s or daughter’s date.  When I was dating Eddie you could say that, “I was on trial”.  His parents and sisters were watching my every move to see what kind of woman I was and if I was “good enough” for their son and brother.  This is a natural and commendable thing and all families do this consciously and unconsciously.  It’s called, “protecting the family.”

If Eddie were to tell his family our problems they would begin to see me as “unfit” to marry Eddie.  Even if I were the most amazing woman his family (unintentionally) would focus on the negative qualities more than the positive ones.  They would have seen me as an enemy instead of a future daughter-in-law.  This would have harmed our relationship and Eddie’s relationship with his family.  Eddie would have been torn (put in the middle) between the ones he loves and basically forced to choose.  I believe this is one reason why so many parents feel like they have lost a son or daughter when their child gets married.

When Eddie and I got married his family was overjoyed to have me as a daughter and the feelings were mutual.  Instead of seeing my in-laws as a threat or in-laws who couldn’t mind their own business, I saw them as a gift from God.  Because both sides know how to keep their boundaries Eddie and I are able to have a happy and healthy relationship with his parents and mine.   Instead of staying away during the holidays, like many couples do, we look forward to spending time with them.

Now that we are married Eddie continues to keep our families separate.  If we have an argument, he does not call his parents and ask them for advice (this doen’t mean that he won’t ask a close friend).  Naturally, his parents would worry if they knew all of our problems.  Furthermore, Eddie continues to keep our family separate by not comparing me to his mother.  He doesn’t say stuff like, “Why don’t you cook like my mom?  Why don’t you fold laundry like my mom or keep the house clean like my mom does?”  He knows we’re our own family and that we have to set our own rhythm and find out what works for us, not what works for his parents or mine.

Once again, this blog is not about giving advice, because many of you might be thinking, “What do they know, they have only been married a year and some months!”  However, we love sharing our stories and what works for US (for you it might be different).  But I want to say this one last thing: If you are in the habit of talking bad about your spouse or significant other to your parents, know that it will affect how your parents view him or her.  I hope this helps.

Keep Flavoring,